


After It All

by SeeEmRunning



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Crack, Fluff, Gen, Humor, No Plot/Plotless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 11:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12275571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeEmRunning/pseuds/SeeEmRunning
Summary: The war is over. It's time to have fun.





	1. No I'm Fred

**Author's Note:**

> I once tried to write a romance and ended up killing my main character. WITHOUT MEANING TO. Point is, writing fluffy crack is going to be a challenge for me. Let's see how far I get. Based off [this Tumblr post.](http://returnfrom-86.tumblr.com/post/166076547526/hogwarts-memes) It will also probably never be finished - it's essentially a collection of oneshots. If there's something you'd like to see, just comment, and I'll start on those when the original list of 'Hogwarts memes' is done.
> 
> Or I might start going off the "Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts" macros that were so popular in the early 2000s. I co-wrote a series like that back when Fanlib still existed.

**August 31**

"Excuse me," the man said, "are you Barry?"

"No," he said sarcastically, "I'm Fred."

"Oh. Oh, dear." The man walked off.

"Um - Dean?"

"Yeah, Seamus?"

"Why'd you tell him your name was Fred?"

"Why not?" Dean took a sip of his Firewhiskey. 

Seamus grinned at him. "Cheers, mate."  
***  
 **September 2**

A starstruck first year ran up to Neville in the corridor. "Hey," he said, "are you _the_ Neville Longbottom?"

Panic flashed over his face. "No, I'm Fred," he said.

"Oh. Sorry!" The first-year raced off.

Ginny raised an eyebrow at him. "Fred, huh?"

"It was the first name I thought of."

"And you gave him a fake name...why?"

"Did you see the look on his face?"

"Yeah, hero-worship," Ginny said, rolling her eyes. "Get used to it, _Fred_. The rest of the year won't be any better if you keep lying. C'mon, we'll be late for Defense and I wanna see if the new girl knows what she's talking about."  
***  
 **September 3**  
A second-year came up to her between classes. "Y-You're Ginny Weasley, right?"

"No," she said, "I'm Fred." Her heart twisted; that was exactly the sort of tiny little thing Fred _would_ have done when he was still alive.

"Oh - oh, sorry, Fred!"

The second-year ran off before she could say she was only joking. She stared after them, bewildered.

"What was that about?" Hermione asked her.

"Oh, just something Neville did yesterday that got stuck in my head. Anyway. Thoughts on the new Defense professor?"  
***  
 **September 4**

Hogwarts' first Hogsmeade weekend was the first weekend of school. According to her boss, McGonagall wanted the students to have more freedom than they had previously in order to make up for the year before. Linda Lovelace followed that logic, though she wasn't sure it was the best way to proceed; wouldn't they get used to more Hogsmeade weekends, which would make it difficult to return to normal?

She wasn't the Headmistress, though. She was just in charge of getting quotes from the students to use in the fluff piece about life returning to normal.

She got two or three from younger students before she saw bright red hair. A _Weasley!_ Perfect! She made a beeline for her and her friend.

"Miss Weasley," she said, getting their attention, "I'm Linda Lovalace, Daily Prophet. I was hoping to get a word from you about what life's been like since the battle?"

The ice in Weasley's eyes would have frozen a better woman than Linda. She turned nervously to Weasley's companion and was struck by how _bushy_ her hair was. That meant-

"Miss Granger! Perhaps you'd like a word?"

Granger smiled. "Sorry," she said sweetly, "I'm afraid you've confused me with someone else. I'm Fred."

The two girls walked away, giggling, leaving Linda flummoxed in their wake.


	2. Power Bottoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hagrid's doing Blast-Ended Skrewts again. Damn it.

The fourth-year Care of Magical Creatures class looked apprehensively at the boxes in front of them. The bangs and sparks coming from inside were not promising.

"Come on, come on!" Hagrid said eagerly. "I got a treat for yeh today! Blast-Ended Skrewts!"

"Shit," someone whimpered.

Hagrid pretended not to hear. "Now, every year I make yeh figure out what they eat. The males have stingers, the females have suckers. Go on, then!"

They shuffled around until each of them stood in front of a crate. Most of them hesitantly dropped food inside, but Bartholomew Clemens was shoving everything he could reach into the crate, cooing to his Skrewt about how it was adorable.

'Adorable' did not begin to describe the creatures. Their bodies reflected the sunlight, creating dazzling patterns on the crate walls. The shells protecting their back half shone like spun gold. Their eyes seemed to be pure silver. The stingers, bright as polished brass, arched proudly over their backs.

On their way back to the castle, Charity LaMonde whispered to her friend, "It was like he wanted to fuck it!"

"Now _that_ would be a power bottom," Liliana whispered back. They dissolved into giggles.

Two days later, Liliana hit Charity with a bagel. "Ready for the power bottoms again?" she asked.

Charity grinned. "Bring 'em on!"


End file.
